Help with Parenting:

Principles of Setting Limits

What you do is more important than what you say.  

Pick your battles wisely.  Will reality set a limit for you and save you the trouble?  

Your response should ideally be close in time to the event.

Have a long list of incremental punishments and rewards that change depending on your child’s behavior.

Your child must experience your intervention as the punishment or reward you meant it to be.  Otherwise, it is ineffective.

The punishment or reward has to be something you can control.  Otherwise, it undermines your authority.

Find ways to help your child soothe herself.

If you are setting new limits, expect testing and tantrums. 

Avoid angry, massive punishments that are unenforceable and primarily torment you.

Couples must support each other and strive for consistency.

Allow for the possibility of redemption and forgiveness.

Kids feel guilt too.  A link between the punishment and reparation for what happened helps lay the conflict to rest.

Children's Reactions to Trauma

Information for Parents and Teachers

Here are some normal and expectable reactions to the death of a classmate or friend.

•    Feelings of sadness and depression.

•    Trouble concentrating or heightened anxiety.

•    Increased need for contact and reassurance from friends and family.

•    Problems sleeping, including nightmares.

•    Angry feelings without knowing why.

•    Feelings of guilt.

•    Increased complaints of physical problems.

How to help children cope with trauma and grief:

•    Listen.  Provide opportunities for them to express whatever they are feeling and thinking

•    Be supportive and nonjudgmental.  Let them have their own reaction to the event.  Do not tell them what they should or should not feel.

•    Support them in expressing feelings verbally and non-verbally.  Crying, drawing, writing and playing are all helpful ways to process reactions to trauma.  Re-enacting a trauma with toys is a normal and healthy way for children to heal. 

•    Be patient, provide reassurance and affection regarding safety.  Processing a traumatic event takes time.  Children may ask the same questions or wish to discuss the same events repeatedly.  Let your children know that they are loved, and that the adults in their life will do their best to keep them safe.

•    Share your feelings.  Let children know your feelings, but do not overburden them with your anxieties.  Make sure you take care of yourself and have support from other adults.

It is normal to experience these feelings for up to one month after a traumatic event.  If you or, someone you know, has experienced these feelings for more than a month, or feels overwhelmed now, consult a counselor or therapist.